Where do I start….
I’m on a roller coaster.
I didn’t actually get on intentionally… And I am honestly not really sure how I sat down and got restrained and have absolutely zero recollection of that process, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t wind up here somehow. I started this blog with the intention of journaling the road of healing that I am on. Healing in several forms actually. But somewhere along the beginning steps forward in my mission to be transparent I quickly grew sick of myself and withdrew. Anyone else find themselves doing this? Trying to “tidy up” the corners after intensely mind reading everyone that we consider to matter in our circle of inner voices before even allowing them to get a glimpse of our reality? I know that being perceptive and sensitive to others is definitely an asset to our relationships, etc, but there is also this other extreme of filtering and editing ourselves to an unrecognizable state before allowing anyone in. Or perhaps never truly allowing anyone in and refusing to give them the opportunity to decide for themselves if they can handle the ugliness and chaos that comes with … you.
Well, back to my roller coaster.
My personal theory has been that because I didn’t get on willingly and due to the fact I have been fighting tooth and nail to get off from the moment I felt the momentum begin, why in the world would I subject someone else to this ride? I’m fairly certain, or maybe I should say absolutely confident, that there are many others on this exact journey, and many more that are on a similar path that might feel empowered by knowing there is someone else out there that can relate. So here I go again… guess I might as well throw my hands up… for those of you with weak stomachs or better things to do…the chicken ramp is to the right, labeled “unsubscribe”.
Let the blogging begin…