Today is my Monday. Yesterday being a holiday weekend, I am starting my week today, and what a gorgeous morning! Just days ago it was 111 degrees… no seriously… 111! This morning it is a lovely 77 degrees. Aaaah. I feel refreshed and ready for fall! I am just hoping this great weather sticks around! I am getting in the mood for my favorite holidays, Halloween and Thanksgiving! I love everything about fall. I love the warm fragrances, the beautiful weather, back to school, the fun, lighthearted time that we have trick or treating, and taking time to give thanks for all that we have. I even begin to be flooded with sweet memories of this time of year during my childhood, of raking leaves in the yard and filling pumpkin shaped bags to decorate our lawn, of writing my first poem for school titled “Halloween Night” – and realizing then that I loved to write, learning the definition of that big word CORNOCOPIA, and making friendship bracelets with the sweet little blonde girl across the street that I still consider my best friend, Charlene. As a matter of fact, if we could just have September through November on “repeat mode”, I would love that, and maybe having that day that is set aside specifically to give thanks taking place a little more frequently would put a little reminder in our heart to do it a little more often? Maybe it would change our perspective.
Though I know that I don’t hold the master controls for the seasons each year or the seasons in my life that I will face, I do hold the control of my attitude and outlook. With this fresh wind, and new day, I give thanks today for where I am in my life. It is never easy. But I have appreciate it ALL. Every part. Even the dark days. They have changed me, and I sincerely believe that they have done so in a good way. They have challenged and stretched me and created growth in a way that I am not sure that I would have been able to grow. I am more intuitive and am able to relate to others in just about any circumstance or walk of life. I am able to be confidently transparent. I am openly who I am. The old me wasted a lot of time and energy hiding behind the face of who I thought others wanted me to be, and I was genuinely terrified of possibly exposing the real me.
I am not saying for one second that I believe that God gave me this illness, or that I would ask for it again, or that I would wish it upon someone else. When it comes to these questions I can only say that we are humans living life. We are people. And with that title comes ailments, hard times, and just plain ugliness. But life is one whole unit. A package deal. And to get to the beautiful, heartwarming moments, the relationships that fill you up, and the connections we make as we serve and love others, we have to face and work through the other side as well. Some people say that in order to appreciate the good you have to experience the bad. Honestly, that’s not my personal thought. You can bring on the good. And I will appreciate it, damn it! Every moment! If God decides to give me the reigns some day, I may re-design it and no doubt leave out the heart wrenching, painful, dirty, real life tough stuff. But for the time being it seems He has yet to consider me for this role, and so I suppose I will accept the whole enchilada… I am here, living this life, I cry, I hurt, I laugh, I love, and I am thankful for it. All of it. The good, the bad, and the ugly.