I’m feeling some change coming on. Not just because it is a brand new year, (but that certainly is inspiring to me), but I’m just in a new place in my life. My goal in beginning this blog was originally intended to give voice to my inner and external struggles and create transparency by doing so. Hoping that by exposing the things in my life that people would typically much prefer for you to keep tucked away, that someone somewhere might connect and realize that they are not alone in their struggles, and find encouragement/inspiration in that. My specific focus being initially on sharing my goal and experience of living well with chronic illness, as well as the healing journey that I have had through my personal experience of dealing with verbal abuse in my childhood. Now that I have been blogging for a little while and also transitioned to some new places in my life I am feeling that I would like to expand beyond these topics though they might still be the predominant factors in my life a lot of the time, or of course the “undertone” throughout my writing.
The very first line on my “About” page currently starts with the very point-blank statement “I am sick.”, and that is a very accurate statement and one I needed to make at that time for a number of reasons; First being that I wanted to make sure to be completely candid about the fact that a Chronic Illness has completely turned my life upside down. It affects just about every choice I make and filters through every part of my life. Every day. Another reason I felt compelled to make this statement so clearly was because I wanted to make sure that I didn’t allow myself to fall into denial of what I am dealing with and I wanted to force myself to stop acting like sickness is something that I needed to hold my head down for, to be ashamed of.
Now I am writing from a very different place. I HAVE accepted that I am sick. I don’t try to deny it or pretend that it isn’t there. I don’t feel ashamed that this is something that I deal with. It hasn’t stopped affecting my life, it hasn’t resolved, gone away, or even gotten better. But I am different now. I am writing from a place of wholeness. Being sick is not WHO I am. It is a part of who I am at this time (and likely always will be), a BIG part, but I am more than just sick. In so many ways I am WELL actually. I have healed from so much that had been holding me back for so long. I see growth and learning where there were formerly open wounds, confusion, and self loathing.
I am an entrepreneur, I am a devoted mother, I am a photographer, I am an employer, I am a friend, a sister, a daughter, a wife, an artist, a writer, an advocate for many causes, and of course there are more facets to myself that I am leaving out and many new areas that are in formation that I have yet to uncover (scary isn’t it?? J). I am more confident than I have ever been, yet of course still learning and growing in many many ways.
Not yet at my destination (should we ever be?), but in constant motion and on an introspective journey to apply what I have learned thus far, (phew! And this is certainly a challenge to go from recognition to action!) that I am sincerely loving and embracing as my mission and purpose in life.
That being said, I am feeling the need to revamp my blog and write from THIS place versus as someone who is sick, or someone who has been a victim, though these are included in the whole that is me.
So…will see where this goes. Kind of exciting to watch things evolve.
Thanks for being along on the ride.