I disappear.

  Just a few things muddling around in my mind right now, as I think of the relationships that I have (and have had) in my life.  Working on consistently being transparent, but my tendencies are pretty deep rooted, so these are just a few words about that struggle. 

Sometimes I disappear

Sometimes it is because I am weak

And I don’t want you to see that

Because I know what weakness breeds

And I can’t handle your judgment

Nor can I handle your pity

And sometimes I think you can’t handle me

Because this kind of weak

Well, there is nothing heroic or beautiful about it

It can get just completely ugly and dark in here

And it will change the way that you perceive me

And that scares me

 

 

Sometimes I disappear

Sometimes because I am strong

And happy, and living, moving,

And I just don’t want to slow down

Because it is just so good

And if I stop

I may not ever stand up again

So I try to cram as much life into this one day

As I possibly can

And I achieve, and I win

And you look at me proudly

And that scares me as well

 

 

 

Not sure how to keep being true

Not sure if I have that kind of strength

I’m going to keep on trying,

Trying to stay here

But sometimes

I feel that it’s best to disappear.

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3 thoughts on “I disappear.

    • Trisha, I am sorry to hear that you struggle with this, but I am glad to connect with you in this way. You are definitely not alone. Keep going, keep going. Keep pushing yourself forward, keeping focusing on growth. We have the opportunity to learn and empathize with people in a way that we never would have under different circumstances. You have significance, you are making an impact, and you add value just by being you. Keep “sharing” yourself with others, it is their/our privilege! Little by little we will get stronger, and buck this urge to disappear. xoxo, Aimee

  1. It’s true – sometimes it does seem so much easier to just disappear… This resonates with how I feel some days. There are also times that I ‘disappear’ because I feel like my conditions are a burden. Yucky feeling that I try to squash before it gets too strong. 🙂

    Great post! 🙂

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