Mind versus Body

Hey strangers,

I know it’s been a long while.  Just thought I’d jump in where I am, rather than trying to catch up.

Came across this today, and it was just what I needed to hear.  Thought maybe some of you needed to hear it as well.  The anger I feel when my body isn’t functioning the way it is *supposed* to, is intense, it’s absolutely hateful and unfair.  I can only recognize this and gain a healthy perspective by asking myself how I would advise a friend that was suffering with chronic illness, because well… these things with me can be quite the double standard, as I tend to have a rather abusive relationship with myself, and would never treat anyone else that way.  I know (intellectually), that it makes things worse when I dish out negative self talk, self sabotage, etc, however, it is so deeply engrained as my “go to” response to feeling poorly, that changing this habit is like turning the Titanic.  One of my goals in 2015 is to treat myself with respect in this regard, and take better care of myself.  In order to do this, I will have to work on forgiving my body for not doing what it’s supposed to, acknowledge that it is suffering, and come to some sort of peaceful relationship.  Not going to be easy, but I will persist!  Hope this encourages you to do the same.

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We Are Ok.

We Are OK by Joshua Radin

The link above is to a song by Joshua Radin that I find encouraging every once in a while. Just a little reminder to those of you who are fighting through this day. We Are Ok. If you have to listen to this song on repeat, go for it. There will be a new day. It will be better. You are strong. You add value. Don’t lose hope. Rest, breathe, and remember the sunny days. They are not over, they are coming again. What will it take today to find encouragement? A cup of coffee? A phone call to a friend? Looking through old photos? Give yourself permission to find peace, and hold onto the little bit of hope that you can find. We Are Ok.

Salvation in the Sea

What was it about that day?

I saw the shore, but kept pushing away

I heard the voices of my past

Calling me home – but the ocean so vast

It pulled me in, it pulled me in

I didn’t understand what was drawing me in

Is it possible that I was aware

Of the potential for me there

I can’t explain what came over me

But I know that though I was lost in the sea

A part of me could see clearly.  Some part of me, could clearly see

I remember hearing a familiar sound

I looked back at you and started to drown

I remember that you were calling me back

I remember you there, were you scared?  Were you angry?

I woke up, became aware

The rope in my hand was keeping me there

If I strained to see it, I could see the sand

I remember the thought “open your hand”

Water over my head, and I couldn’t stand

I remember the fear of going back

Was greater than that I felt right then

I let go, I gave in

Why, and where did YOU come from?

Momentary relief, tempered quickly to pain

Drowning my soul, from the inside out.

You thought you were saving me.

But sometimes salvation means “let it be.”

Please just let me be.

My home and peace were in the sea.

That’s where my future was supposed to be.

You took salvation away from me.

And led me back to misery.

The embracing arms of misery.

Salvation it was in the sea.

Salvation was in the sea.

The Secrets That We Hold Dear

There is a web that often forms with abuse that can entangle you without ever alarming you of the fact that you are caught in its net.  The web is made up of secrets.  Secrets containing honesty, secrets containing pain…secrets that form and contribute to your true perspective and evaluation of a situation.  The most confusing aspect of this web is that its nature is so crafty and completely deceptive that it can very quickly lead you to sincerely feel that the very trap that you are being held in is not a trap at all, but that it is actually protecting you and keeping you safe.   Continue reading